Iowa, Auto-Immune and Insecurities

I love my blackberry. Really, it is the most genius piece of equipment and has kept me euphorically entertained on my road trip to and from Michigan. I do however have beef with its vocabulary. Yesterday while updating my Facebook status to “Katie is inclined to believe deer in Iowa are suicidal” (due to the exorbitant amount of mutilated Bambis on the interstate) when my precious Pearl did not recognize “Iowa” as a word and instead offered me “upward” and “ipwa”. My immediately thoughts were this:

1. I knew Iowa wasn’t a legitimate state and as such I will spend no money is the flat –cow-infested patch of land, which mocks our proud country by posing as a state and…
2. Really?

After updating my status I thought nothing more of the incident until later I was texting Jeff when I tried to type “give” and the most disturbing word popped up: “HIV.” Yes, HIV. My phone was more inclined to give me HIV (full capitalized and everything) than “give”; granted “give” was the second choice in my options, but shouldn’t it have been first? Following then by given, giving and then perhaps HIV? Obviously my phone has messed up priorities: promiscuous sex over patriotic knowledge of the country in which its service area lies within.


In unrelated news, Katie’s Body incorporated has seen an increase is staff and decrease in productivity and has decided to go through a series of downsizing in order to flush out the “dead weight”. The following departments will see long term cuts in size over the next few months: inside thighs, hips and love handles. These departments have been assessed and it is believed that they are expendable and will ultimately result in a healthier and more productive workplace at Katie’s Body Incorporated. Stock holder’s shares will not be affected by this transition.